• An Experience of Fertility Grief

    An Experience of Fertility Grief

    An Experience of Fertility Grief

    Lived and Written by: Brenna Fehr LPC, CAADC, CPT Provider, EMDR Provider

    With this week being “National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW),” there is no better time to have an open conversation about a topic we keep so close to our hearts and often silent; the struggles with fertility.

    One of the most important things to know about this struggle is that if you find yourself in it, you are not alone. One in four couples experience fertility complications. I would like to bring emphasis to the word “couples.” Recent studies have shown that the complications with infertility are shared nearly 50/50 between men and women. Per the US Department of Health and Human Services, one-third of couples that struggle with fertility result from a combination of male and female reproductive issues. For example, male partner may have low sperm count, and the female partner may have irregular cycles or low egg reserve, resulting in inability or difficulty conceiving on their own.

    My husband and I know this particular statistic far too well. From a bird’s eye view, we are healthy, happy and on paper, totally capable of bearing a child. However, within a year of trying to conceive on our own, we recognized something was not “right.” My cycle was like clock work, but month after month, the dreaded day would come when I find out yet again, I am not pregnant. After some heavy conversations with each other, consulting with our support system and dealing with some personal internal battles, my husband and I decided to seek professional help. Through this, we discovered that we are both falling short in some aspects of our reproductive systems. While we can be thankful that there are now wonderful resources out there that can assist with these issues, that does not take away from the pain, grief and anger that builds through the process of failed attempts.

    We have been struggling with fertility for just about three years. Three years of monthly reminders that we yet again, are not pregnant. Three years of a monthly grieving process that varies in intensity from one month to the next. Three years of an emotional rollercoaster, attempting to best navigate how to support each other and ourselves through this recurrent trauma.

    I found a quote not too long ago that hit home for me; “Struggling with infertility is like dealing with the 5 stages of grief and loss every single month. You deny, bargain, get angry, cry and accept. Then you pick yourself back up and do it all over again.” The “picking yourself back up” part is both the most difficult and the most important part of grieving. It is incredibly difficult to do all alone. I had mentioned “wonderful resources” earlier, and what I mean by that are practices like Everlasting Wellness, LLC, full of women, supporting women. We see you, we get you and we are here to support you time and time again.


    Resources: Resolve and Support Groups


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